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By Emily Smith (Provisional Psychologist)

What does “toughening up” mean?

The word resilience is synonymous with toughness and durability, meaning it refers to our ability to bounce back from adverse experiences. It is not an innate trait that some people may or may not have. Resilience is something that can be learned and developed through our behaviours, thoughts and actions. There are ways in which we can build our resilience and help manage our emotional, cognitive and physical response to these challenges. This process involves recovering from the adversity experienced, being able to sustain daily living and functioning following the adversity and grow from the adversity. The six steps outlined below follow this process:

1. Accept that change is inevitable: Life is everchanging and sometimes we do not have control over these changes. It is best to accept the changes that we do not have control over. This allows us to focus on the things we can control.

2. Maintain perspective: Sometimes we experience problems that cause us distress and creates difficulties in our lives. Even though we are not able to stop the problem we can change the way we interpret and respond to it. We can do this by monitoring the way we are thinking about the problem. By identifying the specific thoughts and beliefs we have about the problem we can dispel any negative or irrational thoughts. This then allows us to to consider any positive solutions and begin to look beyond the immediate difficulties you are experiencing.

3. Identify your priorities: During times of stress and change, it is important to identify what needs to be prioritised to help us take decisive actions. These actions could be in everyday life or in response to the stress or change. By identifying your priorities, it can help clarify what decision are best to make.

4. Move towards your goals: It can be helpful to take small steps, building up towards your greater goal. By creating smaller goals or subgoals it keeps us motivated as we move towards the greater goal. These subgoals should be realistic and achievable as small accomplishments. It is about focusing on doing your best at the current stage you are at, making progress little by little.

5. Maintain and develop your social connections: Having good relationships with family and friends can have an incredible impact on your resilience. These relationships provide the opportunity for you to ask for help from those who care and listen to you. This is a great resource that can provide beneficial support.

6. Take care of yourself: It is important that during these times of stress and adversity that we are checking in on ourselves. This includes, paying attention to our own needs and feelings, making sure we are prioritising our mind and our body. Exercising regularly, such as going for daily walks is important for healthy functioning of our mind and body. Engaging in activities that we enjoy and find relaxing can also be helpful. If something is too difficult to manage by yourself it is important to reach out to health professionals such as your GP or a psychologist.

These steps can be helpful to build your resilience when bouncing back from an adverse experience or problem. It is important to remain grounded and to focus on managing the emotional, cognitive and physical responses to adverse events. It is through this management that we see how we are resilient in times of adversity. However, if these adversities are too difficult for you alone, the Solutions in Mind team of highly skilled and well-experienced Psychologists are here to help.