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By Tegan Sharp (Registered Psychologist)

“Kids can be cruel” is a phrase I’ve heard too often in my career. In 2021, UNESCO found that 1 in 3 students experience bullying. Kids, particularly those who feel they are different, can experience severe social pain at the hands of others.

Neurological studies have shown bullying impacts parts of the brain that effects memory, stress responses and serotonin levels. Some studies have even shown that our need to connect is stronger than basic needs such as food and shelter and the impacts of isolation and rejection can be long-lasting. Effected kids have poorer academic performance, poorer long-term health, and greater difficulties getting jobs in the future.

Bullying victimisation is not currently diagnosable, but the impacts on children can be. Slightly more than 1 in 3 of bullied students have symptoms of PTSD. While this, by no means, infers that a child who is bullied will obtains a trauma diagnosis, it does have serious ramifications for general life. When all of one’s energy is spent on survival, there is little room left to learn, thrive, or connect. Suddenly, school becomes a place of fight or flight rather than the enriching environment it was intended as.

With kids returning to school after long periods of isolation, connection is more important than ever. They will be re-learning social dynamics that are integral their development. Despite the overwhelming evidence that bullying is an important focus of study, surprisingly limited research has been done. But most of what has been done points towards connection as an essential component:

  1. Connection with self

Becoming in tune with one’s feelings and having the ability to express this appropriately is key. If your child connects and accepts themselves on a deeper level, this provides the opportunity for them to develop strong self-esteem and self-belief.

  1. Connection with others

Those around us can build us up or break us down. People can feel like a lifeboat, and one of the most powerful things you can do for your child is connect with them. Be an example of how to communicate and empower others. One of the most common questions I ask the kids that I see is, “who is there for you when you need it most?” The most common answer is, “mum and dad.”

So where do we go from here? The most important thing to do first is to stop the bullying. It’s easier said than done and schools have an incredibly important role to play in this. While you may be your kid’s lifeboat at home, they will also need someone to lean on whilst at school. Start a conversation with the teacher or whoever you trust most. Discuss your options and how to prevent bullying as much as possible. If you have professionals such as a psychologist involved, they may also be able to help here.

Any professionals involved will also have an important role in helping you navigate impacts on your child. If you have any questions or concerns, please reach out to your clinician or seek available services.