How to Build your Child’s Resilience

By Emily Smith (Provisional Psychologist)

Children often experience challenges that they find difficult to bounce back from, and as parents it can be difficult to help build their resilience. The types of problems that children face can vary from bullying to a change in the family unit with a new parent or sibling. Their emotional and behavioural responses to these challenges are indicative of their level of resilience. If they are unable to effectively manage these challenges and it creates issues for the child, then they may require help in building their resilience skills.

Having a conversation:

As a parent it can be hard knowing where to start when teaching your child about resilience. It can be helpful by starting by having a conversation with your children about how there are challenges in life and how it is normal to feel worried about problems that may not know how to fix.

Having a safe space:

By having this conversation, it demonstrates to the child that they have a safe person to talk to who they can trust. This is critical in developing their resilience skills as they know that they have support around them no matter what.

The child’s skills and qualities:

Within this conversation it can be helpful to also affirm who the child is and what skills and qualities that they have. For example, saying to your child, “You try to always be respectful, even when someone isn’t being nice to you.” This highlights the qualities and skills the child has and reminds them of these. It is good to encourage your child to say what qualities they believe they have and affirm them in response. This will help them when they experience a challenge and frame how they first think about the situation.

What the child can do:

In the conversation it can be helpful to affirm what they can do in different situations or in a specific situation they may be currently experiencing. This can help keep the child’s perspective and reinforce what they can do and how others can help, such as teachers, parents or peers. This helps them understand what they are capable of, and if needed other options where they can find support.

Having an Optimistic Mindset:

It is important when promoting resilience that you model an optimistic mindset for your child. This can be achieved by creating an environment where you think more optimistically, avoiding any pessimistic sabotage. This looks like finding alternative ways to think about the external factors that are not under your control. The focus should be on what is working in a situation that may be challenging for the child. This creates and develops having an optimistic viewpoint on challenges the child may face, building their resilience as they continue to follow the pattern of finding alternative ways to think about different situations.

Need more help?

These are examples of what parents are able to do with their children which can be useful in teaching and building your child’s resilience. However, if your child feels stuck or is overwhelmed, it may be helpful to consult the Solutions in Mind team who are highly skilled and experienced psychologists who can provide professional support.